6-month-old Donegal baby, Caoimhe Ní Caoineadh, has announced to her family and next door neighbours her new sleeping schedule for Autumn/Winter 2016.

The 9lb tot revealed her plans to go to bed at 7pm and sleep soundly until 10 o’clock before waking up every two and a half hours from midnight to 8am.

A representative for the newborn explained, “after extensive research in our first quarter, we realised a need for uncontrollable sobbing and wailing during the hours of 2-6am. Going forward, we believe the synergy between parents and child will strengthen, resulting in a harmonious environment come year-end 2022.”

Donegal Dollop spoke with the mother of little Caoimhe and were told: “Ha-wah? Sorry, who are you? Hnnn, What day is it? Are you real, sorry, I have to go, sigh, she’s crying again. Phhhwff, Where’s her dodo? Can you smell her nappy? Urggh, would love to brush my hair.”

The announcement comes hot on the heels of older sibling Cathal’s new potty training regime of ‘going anywhere I damn well please’ until June 2017.