Donegal has recorded its fastest broadband speed to date, with a 128K download speed recorded somewhere outside Creeslough yesterday. This brings the average Donegal broadband speed on par with a second generation Spectrum computer from the 1980s, a new record for Donegal.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Paddy Dongle, whose dial-up modem (first issued by the Department of Posts and Telegraphs) is responsible for this latest record, adding that “normally it takes three hours to stream a fifteen second video of a cat being pushed down a well by another cat, but yesterday I managed to stream a sixteen second video of a kitten licking an ice-cream in two hours and forty minutes – and I thought to myself, is this Creeslough or am I in Silicon Valley!”
Critics of Donegal’s lack of broadband infrastructure have been silenced, as they finally wake up to the fact that the current year is at the very least, 1989.
It’s now expected that, very shortly, Donegal will have broadband speed fast enough to load half of the logo of some well-known porn sites, and in 2050, residents are expected to have broadband fast enough to stream five minutes of that Goggelybox.