Minister for Finance Michael Noonan is in desperate need of some Irish Water today after his pants have spontaneously combusted during a press conference.

At the time of combustion, he was busy denying yesterday’s Eurostat decision that state utility funding had to remain on the state’s balance sheet and would have any impact on budgets 2015 or 2016.

The trousers, a freshly dry-cleaned pair of swanky “bríste gorm”, burst into flames earlier today after Noonan was being quizzed over the latest government debacle.

Reports are also coming in that Joan Burton’s knickers are also aflame, along with Frances Fitzgerald’s bloomers, Brendan Howlin’s Y-Fronts and Enda Kenny’s bespoke green and red tiger-print jock-strap.

The combustion of undergarments is a strange phenomenon, usually prevalent in Irish political life during a policy U-turn or the run up to a general election, whichever happens sooner.