Christine Lagarde waves a big dildo during her bailout review presentation...
Christine Lagarde waves a big dildo during her bailout review presentation…

Head of the IMF Christine Lagarde is in Dublin today to show the exact spot in which the Troika repeatedly fucked Ireland during its five year bailout programme.

She is attending a special conference to review Ireland’s experience of the international bailout in which the wealthy interests of European financial institutions got Ireland to bend over and take “a good, hard pounding” in the form of massive cuts to vital services, cement-pouring of toxic debt onto Ireland’s citizens and smug “sex-face” expressions on the heads of personnel from the IMF, the ECB and the governments of the European Union.

Speaking to Donegal Dollop, a source close to the IMF said that “Ireland was really open to being fucked by large banks in Germany and France, and it was only great when the Fine Gael/Labour coalition started taking the word ‘subordinated bond’ in its truest form, meaning submissive bondage.”

Minister for Finance Michael Noonan and Governor of the Central Bank Patrick Honohan will in turn show the ease at which Ireland “opened itself up” to its European overlords during an elaborate game of full-on master and slave financial bondage that lasted five years, the likes of which would make even Berlin’s avant-garde sex scene appear tame.

A panel discussion will follow during which it’s expected that Enda Kenny and Joan Burton will kneel at the side of Lagarde, while she gently pats them on the head with one hand, emptying their pockets with the other.