Not known if she checked the list twice when quoting random names...
Not known if she checked the list twice when quoting random names…

Sinn Féin’s deputy leader Mary Lou McDonald has today read out the name of an “S Claus” as being on a controversial list of alleged Ansbacher deposit account holders put forward by a whistle-blower.

She made the sensational claims in the Dáil during Leader’s Questions, stating that the name had come from a very credible source called Olaf the Snowman who had been given access to a controversial list of offshore bank account holders, said to include the Yeti, an extinct DoDo bird and Will-O-The-Wisp.

“S Claus,” who many believe to be Santa Claus, best known for giving away toys once a year, is rumoured to be at the top of the whistle-blower list, but it is not known if McDonald was bothered to checked the list twice.

Santa Claus was quick to refute any claim that he was the intended name on the list, and in the true spirit of Christmas, officials at Lapland have gone on the record to say that McDonald will get both the loudspeaker she has asked for in her letter, along with a sweeping brush and carpet for the comments of naughty kids like Maria Cahill.

We also understand that Aengus O’Snodaigh will get his ink cartridges, but according Santa’s elves, unless Mary Lou retracts her regurgitated allegations against “S Claus” in full, her supreme leader Gerry Adams will find a lump of coal under the Christmas tree in each of his ten houses on Christmas morning and that the Sinn Féin party itself will not get the integrity it asked for.