By now, you’ll be sick to the back teeth of hearing about water charges and the current government’s plans to tax the natural resource via Irish Water, but, what is water? As usual, Donegal Dollop is here to help answer your questions with our handy-dandy guide to the wet stuff.
1. Water is a liquid and comes from the sky, taps or your mickey. It can be hot or cold and is the principle ingredient in Tae and Sangwidges.
2. Water was introduced to Ireland in 1985 by The Waterboys after their hit record; The Whole of the Moon, got them on Top of The Pops and they were given some to drink by Pete Waterman.
3. Waterford is near the bottom of Ireland or something. We’ve never been down that far but we think that’s where vikings came from, along with The Fureys.
4. H2O is the 20th anniversary filum of the Halloween filums starring Austin Powers star Mike Myers. In this one, Jamie Lee Curtis’ body shows us the horrors of time.
5. Frozen water is called Mr Freeze. When the liquid reaches 0c a startling metamorphosis takes place, releasing its dormant flavours of Cola, Apple, Strawberry or Blue.
6. John Waters is an Irish Journalist and non-homophobe. He has gone to prison for a few hours for not paying parking tickets, one of the most pathetic things you can go to jail for, bar stealing a DVD of The Nutty Professor.
7. Waterloo is a hit song that won the Eurovision before Ireland started to try. ABBA, the performers, are made up of 65% water and 12.5% Nazi.
8. Foreign-national water arrives on our shores in its droves every single day. Much of this water goes on living happy lives in lakes but puddles are places unwanted water live. In Ireland, an estimated 500,000 litres of water won’t have a home this Christmas.
9. Waterworld is a 1995 filum by Kevin Costner about the time his school went to Derry to visit The Jet Centre. The filum is still considered one of the most expensive flops ever because Costner forgot to bring his trunks and had to borrow a pair of white ones from the lost & found box.
10. Watersports are when two people who really love and trust each other, show that love by buying expensive clothing and equipment to fanny about in the water together. It’s also what yer wan down the town did with that greasy looking fella she met off the internet.