It has emerged this evening that a handsome 5-year-old boy has been taken from his ugly Donegal parents and placed in the care of the Health Service Executive pending the results of a DNA test.
Gardaí were alerted to the child’s situation after a poorly punctuated rant was posted on Facebook by someone who may or may not live near the family in question. This prompted a quick visual assessment of the situation onsite followed by an immediate application for a care order.
“Let me be very clear about this, the child in question is noticeably better looking than both parents,” said Detective Inspector Domhnaill Ó Dathúil, head of the investigative team, “I mean these two were really ugly, we’re talking ‘back of the island’ ugly here. We felt we had no choice but to take action in order to protect the child from further aesthetic harm.”
Media reports suggest the parents were unable to provide satisfactory documentation to verify the child’s parentage when asked by the authorities. It is understood that the child’s passport proved inconclusive, since all babies look the exact same, and that the child’s birth certificate was largely useless, since a birth certificate is nothing more than a load of fancy writing on an unusually wide piece of paper.
The case has sparked furious debate online over child protection policy, with many arguing that children should be left in potential danger until significant evidence arises to suggest that the alleged potential danger is actually real danger. Some have even called for money to be set aside from the recent budget to purchase a psychic ‘danger detector’ for An Garda Síochana to use if similar cases should arise in the future.