Older folk in Gweedore are delighted at news that all Gweedore children are to be marked with a clear indication of their parent, their grandparent, their great-grandparent, and (where applicable) their great-great-grandparent.

In a tradition dating back to the Dark Ages, every Gweedore child is required by law to immediately and truthfully respond when asked the direct question “Cé leis thú?” by a local adult.

Typically, the response sounds something like “Mac Phaidí Mhary Joe Mary Nappie Biddy Jack Rua Bán Óg” – which allows the inquisitor to immediately recognise who the little person is and whether their great-grandfather or mother had a spat over land with the inquisitor’s people going back over a one to two hundred year period.

Often, the odd nickname is thrown in allowing for differentiation of individuals in cases where names are shared accross people, e.g. “John ‘na mBó’ Cnoc Rua Pheadair Billy Joe Billy Jack”, or simpler titles like “Biddy na Factories.”

The new measure, which will have a child’s “ownership” clearly stamped on their forehead in black ink, will facilitate better cognitive recognition in the eyes of the person making enquiries.

It is not yet known what the punishment will be if the child responds with a perfectly reasonable “is liomsa mé féin” or “buck off ya wile nosey bad wastard, ye.”


  1. It would be nice if the author actually knew enough Gaeilge to spell some of the easier words correctly ! ná / Mác — FFS

    • Thanks Jayse – have corrected the ‘ná’ but I’m leaving the ‘Mác’ in there – I prefer it with the fádáá…!