It’s wile warm. What’s a buck to do?

Phone in Sick – No matter what you were supposed to be doing – working, doing a course, any other endeavour that involves effort – don’t bother your hat. Phone in sick. Say you have an awful dose of the hay fever or you are stuck to your lawn by some chemical reaction of the Miracle-Gro and the soaring temperatures. Studies have shown that people enjoy the sun better when they are on the doss.

Open the windows and the doors – And more importantly, you can leave them open while you fall onto the nicely cut lawn the hoity toity neighbours have. Nobody is going to rob your house while you are out because all thieving is suspended during good weather. Just ask Donegal’s other Conjecture site, not a pic of a hooded thief with a knife since the temperatures went north of 20 degrees (68 in Fahrenheit, in case you decide to arbitrarily use the yank system for their bigger numbers).

Drink – plenty of fluids there sa. The water – tá sé grate fa choinne an hydration hiy – but tá beer I bhfád níos fearr. Drink yourself into a stupor but remember, just before the world starts spinning and you are about to hit the ground, make sure you are in the shade. The last thing you want is some wastard coming along with a stencil of the word “Steamin”. If they do, you will be the laughing stock of the ‘Ceantair’ for generations to come.

Barbeques – tricky one this. Easiest way to Barbeque during a heatwave is to build a massive turf stack in the bog, light it up, and toss any sheep or cows directly onto it. You’ll have charred sizzling meat to feast on in no time. Be early to the shop though for your burger “bundies” as the whole county will be at it.

Beaches – take your car to the nearest beach. You know that mile long strand you probably have only ever been on a handful of times. Bring your car though and make sure to park right on the strand. Don’t bother picking up your rubbish after you because in true Derry style, somebody else will take care of it.

Visit a Church – Churches are the coolest places during a heatwave. Their high ceilings and cool tiled fixtures are perfect for cooling off in – Just make sure you don’t go at 19:00 on a Saturday or at 09:00 / 11:00 on a Sunday – a robed man will come out and you’ll have to watch him waving his hands over some wafer and a chalice of plonk for an hour.

Any Donegal Heatwave stories? Please comment below or tweet them to @donegaldollop using the hash tag #DonegalDollopWileWarm.