Sam acting the bollocks on his recent trip to Mars to see if there was any Donegal people up there
Sam acting the bollocks on his recent trip to Mars to see if there was any Donegal people up there

Hygiene standards are slipping in Donegal hospitals according to a recent HIQA report. A recent snap inspection of Letterkenny General Hospital found that doctors are having to perform operations using rusty scalpels and mouldy clysters in theatres infested with dirty Donegal people.

A spokesperson for the HSE has blamed Donegal’s All-Ireland success for the problem after 3 metric tonnes of cleaning product recently went missing from an unlocked supply room deep within the bowels of the hospital.

“Ever since Donegal beat Mayo in the All-Ireland final last year, Sam has been whoring himself out to all and sundry, letting every last galoot in the county get their grubby little mitts on him,” said Seamus Muscle, “We’re now at the point where the Donegal County Board are having to rob disinfectant and Brasso just to keep him looking halfway presentable.”

Sam Maguire was last seen helping the Mars Rover draw a cock and balls on the surface of the planet Mars, and given the high presence of iron oxide on the Red Planet it is thought that copious amounts of Brasso will be required to assist in the cleanup operation.