Fine Gael have presented a draft version of the controversial abortion impossibility bill to their Labour party colleagues, outlining the limited circumstances in which a woman can lawfully have a pregnancy terminated.
The bill outlines a number of conditions that need to be met in order to warrant a termination, including:
- Where the woman has completed the three day Lough Derg pilgrimage in Donegal in a record time of two hours.
- The termination request has been signed by the skeletons of at least three deceased Irish bishops, none of which can be from the 21st century and at least one of which has to be the exhumed corpse of Archbishop John Charles McQuaid.
- The woman has actually died and a time machine invented in the future has allowed for her to go back to the moment of refusal with concrete evidence that the approval of abortion does not lead to the wiping out of the Irish genetic code.
Announcing the measures, Health Minister James Reilly said that the proposed impossibility bill would “ensure the protection of Lucinda Creighton and Michele Mulherin against the opening of the floodgates, effectively giving them an ark upon which to pin their religiously motivated social outlook.”
He went on to say that Ireland was at a unique place at the moment, not a crossroads, but a roundabout – allowing for a natural and inevitable U-turn in the advancement of its social policy.
The Labour Party are understood to be furious with the draft bill as it makes no mention of the authority of Pat Rabbitte.