Keep your hands were i can see them
Keep your hands were i can see them

Ireland has this week REVOLUTIONIZED its stance on sex – by pretending it doesn’t exist.

Teenagers in Ireland will no longer be given anything remotely like sex education and will instead remain ignorant on how to protect themselves from STIs, unwanted pregnancy and general safe sexual practice. Any such discussion of sexual matters will cause extreme embarrassment and must be avoided at all costs – the costs being the sexual well-being of the Irish youth for generations to come.

Ireland has historically been a prudish country where sex has only ever taken place between consenting drunk people,brutal rapists and society’s most vulnerable. In recent decades however, an openness and all round mature attitude to sex has meant the Irish, particularity young people, were having healthier sexual relations.

The new found sexual maturity created such excruciating embarrassment for the nation’s carnally repressed that they have conspired to drag the country back to its darker times. Sex is once again a taboo and any mention of it, teen sex in particular, will be met with self-righteous outrage.

Any websites giving advice on safe sexual practices will have their funding cut and as for parents who have the audacity not to be mortified when discussing sex with their children, they will be subjected to any one of a list of punishments from the bible.