The global stock exchange was reeling in shock this morning, as the cost of pure conjecture skyrocketed overnight. The cause of the surge is a new ‘conjecture paywall system’ which limits international Internet users’ access to local gossip from Donegal, unless they use the Highland Radio website to access such a service.
Donegal, a leading supplier of pure conjecture to international markets, is expected to be hit hard, as the diaspora decide that some bullshit stories just aren’t worth paying for. A well-known local industry insider said that, “Quite simply, the hike is down to the additional cost of pumping pure, unadulterated shite down a telephone line and around the world. Have you seen how wee those phone lines are???”
In related markets, the cost of pictures of televisions also showed a sharp increase, with the price of sheer guesswork probably levelling off at a number plucked from thin air.
In Donegal, where the supply of pure conjecture is rich and plentiful, residents are not expected to notice a significant change in day-to-day conjecture levels.