It's Venable the Wastard, lets get him!
It’s Venables, the Wastard, lets get him!

Pictures have emerged today supposedly of former England manager, Terry Venables. Venables was given a new identity after he appeared in a right dodgy advert for Nivea For Men.

The shameful advert shows footballers from Venables’ era as England manger, such as Les Ferdinand and David Seaman, making sex noises whilst standing in front of a mirror. Their former ‘gaffer’ then enters and makes no sex noises because he uses Nivea For Men.

The terrible advert has caused angry mobs all over England to seek out ‘El Tel’ and jab him in the arse with their pitch forks. Venables, however, has been given a new identity by UK Police and is believed to be in hiding in Donegal. His appearance is said to have changed significantly since the advert, making him almost impossible to identify, thus protecting him from vigilantism.

Thankfully some bright spark has posted this picture, which may or may not be what Venables looks like now, and have also divulged his current whereabouts and alias, Padraig Hughie Rua Ban Beag an Siopa. This perfectly responsible act has made it easier for rational and logical angry mobs to locate and kick the shit out of the person in the picture, be it Venables or just some other bloke.

Regardless if it is actually Venables or not, you are advised to approach the individual in the picture without any caution whatsoever and kick ten shades of shite out of him and tell all your mates, so they think you are a big hard wastard.