In a bold refinement to the Government’s job creation strategy, it has been announced today that effective immediately, Donegal is to officially become part of Canada in a move that will see Donegal assume the title of ‘Donegal – Eleventh Canadian Province’.
In an all-encompassing deal, signed this morning by the Taosieach and the Junior Minister for Foreign Affairs with responsibility for European Affairs (in a rare expansion of her limited remit), Donegal has been handed over to the Canadian authorities at no cost to the Canadian exchequer. In return, well-known Donegal country singer, Daniel O’Donnell, will take up a full-time residency slot at Toronto’s Drake Hotel until the year 2075.
“This is a unique opportunity for the people of Donegal to grow their new Canadian economy in a way that will see long term job-growth,” said Taoiseach, Enda Kenny.
Junior Minister, Recinda Creightur, was “thrilled” that Ireland now has a new stateside ally in her secretarial duties at the EU. “Let’s see Merkozy threaten us, the Irish people minus Donegal, with the might of Canada’s dominating global presence at our north-western side,” she explained.
Already, the local Donegal Canadian economy has started to show signs of growth:
Local doll-factory, ‘Crolly Dolls’, has been given an order for 10,000 units by a Canadian Film Company who are making a sequel to the popular ‘Chucky’ series entitled ‘Chucky V: When Dolls Attack’.
The Oatfield factory in Letterkenny has been kitted out with the technology required to manufacture Canadian maple syrup (increasing trade at Donegal’s many harbours given the shipment of thousands of maple trees). Smaller units are to be given to Donegal’s mountain folk, for immediate production of Maple-Syrup flavoured Poitín.
Finn Harps FC will hang up their football jerseys and will assume the new name of ‘Finn Harpies’, joining the Canadian National Hockey League. Coaches from the Ontarian Ice-Hockey Association are already on their way to Ballybofey to train up the squad in Donegal’s new official Canadian sport.
The Canadian Irish community are welcoming the move, which will allow a new vital link to the Emerald Isle for all Canadian Irish People, not just those of Donegal extraction. The initiative is part of the wider job creation strategy being rolled out by the Government. The county of Limerick is to be given to China (inclusive of Shannon Airport); The United States will take both the counties of Mayo and Kerry (because they’re like, totally pretty). Galway will remain under Irish control as, despite the innate belief of all Galwegians that nothing is as ‘moighty’ as the concept of Galway, ‘bai’, nobody on the International scene gives a toss.