Mairead Ni Bhárgain, a twenty-nine-year-old receptionist from Lifford, has qualified for the Olympic Bargain-Faking event in London 2012, after playing down the cost of her new outfit to her colleagues.

During the course of one conversation by the office coffee-machine, she managed to convince those present that she got ‘the lot for 36 euro’, when the actual price paid for the outfit, inclusive of accessories, was somewhere in the region of 140 euro.

“Well the dressh is from Penny’s, 16 euro, and I just got a wee top from New Look, 20 euro, to go with it,” she explained to the girls in the office, as they faked congratulatory smiles in a collective internalised review of the gaudy-green ensemble before them, complete with another bland black cardigan. “That’s a luvhely dressh Mairead,” one of them is quoted as saying.

“You can’t have people thinking you’re being a wee bit ‘flathulach’, not these days…and sure, if you say you got it in Penny’s, nobody’s going to doubt you,” explained Ni Bhárgain, who regularly goes to Derry’s designer-outlet pre-sale evenings to be first with the latest in expensive designer goods.

Bargain-Faking is quite recent in the world of sport; the objective is to downplay your purchases to give a ‘thick veil of thrifty’ to them and at the same time, make others think feel like they’re unfashionable and hopelessly inept at ‘spotting a bargain’.

Ireland have never competed in this sport at Olympic level, so Ni Bhárgain is “not confident at all”, i.e. she is completely confident and self-assured, knowing she is going to win the gold medal that she absolutely deserves, stomping all over any opposition in the process. 

Best of luck to Mairead in her Olympic endeavour, we hope she’s not too intimidated by the opposition which she’ll suss out over ‘a friendly girl’s lunch’ (shudder).