The off-field discipline of the Donegal GAA football panel has once again been called into question this evening after it emerged that the entire squad have been indicted for war crimes at The Hague.

There have been a string of well-documented controversies relating to various players in recent years, but this is perhaps the first time that every single player has come under the glare of the International Criminal Court’s spotlight.

The alleged crimes occurred while the squad were drowning their sorrows following defeat to Kerry in the National Football League. “It was all a bit hazy, so it was, hey,” said one well-known front-corner-half-full-forward who asked to remain nameless, “we were all doing Jägerbombs and the next thing I knew it was morning and there were body parts everywhere.”

The squad have been accused of slaughtering an entire village of Kerry people after a local traditional band allegedly played a particularly lacklustre rendition of ‘The Hills of Donegal’ in the bar of the team hotel. It is not yet known whether or not the court proceedings will interfere with the remaining National League fixtures or the release dates of any controversial player autobiographies.

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