Worth at least 31 billion euro…


The Department of Finance has struck a deal with the European Central Bank (ECB) over the controversial promissory note granted by the ECB for the bailing out of failed financial institution, Irish Bank Resolution Corporation Limited (nee Anglo Irish Bank).

In a deal which will save Irish citizens a payment of 3.1 million euro in March, the Irish State will exhange the promissory note for a 15-year loan of the priceless Irish novel, ‘Caislean Oir’, which the ECB plans to exhibit in the auditorium of its new HQ building, currently under construction in the ‘Ostend’ area of Frankfurt, due for completion in 2014.

‘Ve vill showcase zis rare and ground-breaking book, ja, to both ze members of ze pablic und European Zcentril Bank Staffen, ja, along mit ze andera artefactz ve’ve collected from zum economy-sßpoilen ve have gathered over ze past few jahren,” said Dieter Bremen-Geßtaffenzeite, in a reference to the other ‘national treasures’ given to Germany by other bailed-out economies such as Greece and Portugal.

“Zeez rare tales of ze principals and ze rules will serve as a constant reminderin, ja, zat austerity – und ze horrible life zecribed in zeez old Irischen-folkentallen, ja, zat Germany ken putt Ireland back to zat time, faster zan one kan zay the vurd PEIG,” continued Bremen-Geßtaffenzeite, in a direct warning to the Irish finance minster to “tow ze line.”

Michael Noonan emerged from the meeting, momentarily stopping to speak with reporters to issue a short statement:

“Ireland’s debt has been substantially reduced; all thanks to a typical story of a young man in Donegal, who falls in love with a girl called Babaí Mhartín, has a mate called Cearbhall Betty something or other, British soldiers, America – blah blah blah – hero returns, Babaí’s an old hag – the end.”

“Sure the whole point of those stories was that no matter how poor people were, they still had a bit of fun,” he continued.

“You think ‘Peig’ was impenetrable to young people growing up in Ireland? Wait until those German bucks get a load of this one,” he quipped, before hopping on the nearest tram towards Frankfurt’s Altstadt area, home to many of Germany’s best ‘Biergarten’.

The interest rate on Irish government bonds has increased by 300 basis points after these latest developments.


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