The residents of Tory were celebrating this evening after a team of scientists and geologists confirmed that arable land had been discovered on the island just outside An Baile Thoir. Research teams from both the public and private sectors have been scouring the area for years, carrying out surveys, but this is the first time that anyone has ever hit pay dirt…literally.
“This is magnificent news for the island,” said Emperor Seamie Ó’Hirohitó, a recent arrival to Tory who has unsettled resident King, Patsy Dan, with an audacious monarchical claim on the island, “I remember watching Dallas as a kid and seeing all the big houses and fancy cars, it was great, we’ll have a few J.R.’s around here now I reckon, once the cash starts rolling in.”
While the private sector will largely take responsibility for developing the piece of land, which measures roughly 7ft by 4ft, a significant share of the profits will be divided equally among the residents of the island as part of a social scheme based on the Norwegian petroleum fund, ‘the Government Pension Fund – Global’.
Though no definitive statement has yet been made on how exactly the land will be used, we at the Dollop have it on good authority that a medium-sized crop of spuds could be hitting the export market in the not-too-distant future.