Donegal Water Charge Protesters Regret Picking Tonight for 24hr Camp Out

Just a few hours into their 24 hour demonstration, the Donegal water charges protesters have admitted that they picked a bad night for it. Shivering outside the office of Fine Gael TD, Joe McHugh, one protester said, "Fluke this for Read more

ISIS Militants Trap Iraqi Minister in Car For Two Hours

There were violent scenes near the Baiji oil refinery in Iraq this morning after Deputy Prime Minister Saleh al-Mutlaq was attacked with a water balloon by ISIS militants during an official visit to the region. Unfortunately, the terror did not Read more

Mary Lou Replaces Twink as Pantomime Dame

Mary Lou McDonald has been chosen to replace Twink as the panto dame in Jack and the Beanstalk at University College Hall Limerick. The deputy leader of Sinn Féin will replace Adele “Zip up yer Micky-Where’s My Dog-My Heart’s Broken into Read more

“No Ways Left to Fuck You Ireland”, Troika Conclude Visit

Posted by Charlie Pterosaur on in Business, News | 1 Comment
The poets of finance...

The Troika have concluded the second of their post-bailout missions to Ireland by stating that they are completely out of ways to fuck over the people of Ireland. “After ramming it into every orifice of every single one of you, we just can’t think of any more ways to impose unfair budget cuts and tax impositions,” said Dick Shmegbucher, leader of this latest mission. “We had thought about taxing the hairs on your back, but decided against it on the… Read More

Sinn Féin Attack Bob Geldof for Band Aid 30 Snub

Posted by Charlie Pterosaur on in Entertainment, History and Politics, News | Leave a comment
Tiocfaidh ar falalalala lala lala...

Sinn Féin has attacked Bob Geldof’s Band Aid 30 for not including any of its members in the line-up of vocalists for the 2014 inception of Do They Know Its Christmas. The comments were made at a party meeting in which Sinn Féin’s longer term strategy of scoring a Christmas number one in 1916 was discussed. “This is just another example of West-Brit establishment spin and media bias against Sinn Féin,” said a party spokesperson, who explained that “Gerry Adams had… Read More

Water Balloon Dies at Irish Water Protest in Jobstown

Posted by Jack Hammer on in Crime, History and Politics, News | Leave a comment
Tánaiste Joan Burton water balloon

Gardaí have appealed for information after a water balloon was killed at an anti-water charges protest in Jobstown at the weekend. Tempers flared as angry Irish Water protestors clashed with Gardaí resulting in Tánaiste Joan Burton being pelted with the water balloon. Although Minister Burton suffered no injuries, the water balloon died on impact. The scene was preserved for forensic examination and the State Pathologist carried out a postmortem on the deceased balloon. It is believed the water balloon is… Read More

Kangaroo Spotted at Sinn Féin Dublin Headquarters

Posted by Charlie Pterosaur on in History and Politics, Lifestyle, News | Leave a comment
Skippy, our friend ever truthful...

A Kangaroo has been spotted at the headquarters of Sinn Féin at Parnell Square in Dublin today, sparking rumours that the well-known antipodean marsupial is looking to join the party in an official capacity. The Kangaroo, a five foot, 178lb red, was seen bounding around Parnell Square earlier before coming to rest outside the headquarters of Sinn Féin and looking in the window. A spokesperson reaffirmed party leader Gerry Adams’ repeated assertions that he both was and was not a fan of… Read More

Schoolchildren to Hold Candlelit Vigil for TUI Strike

Posted by Charlie Pterosaur on in Health and Education, History and Politics, News | Leave a comment
A child with two candles...

Schoolchildren all over Ireland are to hold a candlelit vigil this evening to ask for an all-out strike by the Teachers’ Union of Ireland, preferably on December 7th so they can go shopping for toys. Some kids are even going as far as to ask for a permanent cessation to school altogether, with many including a request for “an immediate end to the oppression of the Irish Education System” in their letters to Santa Claus. Also expected at the vigils… Read More

Man Relieved at Not Having to Shake Hands During Sign of Peace at Mass

Posted by Jack Hammer on in Ecumenical Matters, Lifestyle, News | Leave a comment
mass goers on Sunday

A 32-year-old agnostic man attending mass was relieved when the priest didn’t ask his congregation to shake hands as a sign of peace. The man, who was at the church for a friend’s wedding, said he was “buckin’ delighted” when Father Cathal Chism, announced sign of peace but omitted the hand shake part. “Obviously, I don’t go to mass very often, only for weddings, funerals, or when my Mammy makes me go at Christmas. I was dreading the sign of… Read More

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