Burton Unveils “Work-Bridge-Job-Path-Employment-Bridge-Service-Way”

Minister for Social Protection Joan Burton has announced a revolutionary employment scheme called “Work-Bridge-Job-Path-Employment-Bridge-Service-Way” Unlike its previous inception, “Nothing for Something” (a.k.a JobBridge) this latest version of the scheme, known as “tender pretender”, allows private companies earn a fee for Read more

Passenger Plane Escorted to Manchester After Passenger Dangerously Live Tweets Flight

A passenger plane has been escorted to Manchester Airport after an alarm was raised that one of the passengers, Josh Hartley (@JoshHartley_), had his smartphone turned on during the flight, playing the popular game, “World of Aircraft”. The same flight Read more

Donegal Challenges Israel to ‘Square Go’

Donegal has officially waded into the Israel/Palestine conflict this afternoon after Donegal County Council voted unanimously to challenge Israel to a ‘square go’. Over 30 Councillors backed the motion, which calls for Israel to stop hiding behind the United States Read more

Enda Kenny to Assist Argentine PM in Completely Fucking Up Country

Taoiseach Enda Kenny is on his way to Buenos Aires this morning to assist the beleaguered Argentinian Prime Minister, Cristina de Kirchner, in the final stages of the complete fucking up of the South American country. As Argentina begins to Read more

Whistleblowers Angered by Negative Media Coverage

Posted by Jack Hammer on in Entertainment, News | Leave a comment
Gladiators ref

Whistleblowers across the globe are up in arms after further negative coverage by the Irish media. Tin whistle player, Diddley-ay Drogba, Gladiators Referee John Anderson and a 19th century steam-train conductor are fuming about the exposure they’ve been getting in recent months. Speaking to Donegal Dollop earlier today, the whistleblowers said, “It’s a bloody disgrace - every time we turn on the TV or pick up a paper, we’re getting some sort of guff in the news. Those dicks!” Earlier in the… Read More

Minister for the Gaeltacht to be Sent to the Gaeltacht to Learn Gaeilge

Posted by Fintan O'Toolbox on in History and Politics, News | Leave a comment
gaeltacht

It has emerged this evening that neither the Senior Minister for the Gaeltacht, Heather Humphreys, nor the Junior Minister for the Gaeltacht, Joe McHugh, can actually speak Irish and that both are to be sent to Coláiste Bhríde in Rann na Feirste to complete a crash course in their mother tongue. The news should not come as too much of a shock, however, as it is, in fact, part of a long running Ministerial learning initiative introduced in the early… Read More

Fr. Padraig O Baoill Has Added To His List Of Evil

Posted by John WateryEyes on in Ecumenical Matters, News, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Fr. P. O Baoighil, he's making a list, he's checking it twice

In a controversial draft of next week’s Gaoth Dobhair parish newsletter, seen exclusively by Donegal Dollop, Fr. Paddy O’Boyle is set to add to his list of evil things which will henceforth be banished from the parish. Fr. Pat’s pet hates include (but are not limited to): 1. Any picture or photograph not depicting the holy trinity (Virgin Mary, John F.Kennedy, Pope John Paul II). “There’s far too many people putting their faith in photos of kittens hanging on branches.”… Read More

Gaoth Dobhair Priest Urges Faithful to Stick to Catholic Exercises

Posted by Fintan O'Toolbox on in Ecumenical Matters, News | Leave a comment
oV8nW

A priest in Gaoth Dobhair has spoken out against heathen exercise regimes in the latest edition of the parish newsletter. Father Padraig O’Baoill took aim at Eastern practices such as yoga and t’ai chi, claiming that physical and mental wellbeing is not worth putting one’s soul in jeopardy. The worry is that practices such as yoga and t’ai chi appear to have actual, observable real-world effects that Catholic rituals, such as the Eucharist, simply cannot compete with. “We don’t want… Read More

Garth Brooks Impersonator Cancels Dentist Appointment

Posted by Jack Hammer on in Entertainment, News | Leave a comment
Garth+Brooks+gb

A Donegal based Garth Brooks impersonator has regretfully announced he is to cancel his upcoming dental appointment scheduled later in the month. Gareth Brookes, the Ballybofey country & western tribute act, made the sad news earlier this afternoon, after “exhausting all avenues” of trying to get from his home to the Letterkenny dental surgery. Brookes confirmed the cancellation with his Dentist’s receptionist after phoning his friends and family to see if anyone was free to give him a lift. The… Read More

Brazil Controversially Leave Goalkeeper Out of Squad

Posted by Jack Hammer on in News, Sport | Leave a comment
Football-Brazil-v-Germany-FIFA-World-Cup-Brazil-2014-Semi-Final-Estadio-Mineirao-Belo-Horizonte-Brazil

The Brazilian football team has been booted out of the 2014 World Cup in the semi-final stage after controversially leaving the goalkeeper out of their squad. In what can only be described as another German atrocity, the Krauts absolutely annihilated the Brazilian team in a 37-1 trouncing. Brazil manager, Luiz Felipe Scolari, made the questionable decision to play the semi-final match without a player, after seeing the Eurovision episode of Father Ted. Scolari told Donegal Dollop; “Our country wasted millions… Read More

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